I've always thought Joan Collins was a bit of a muppet. Partly it's because she writes articles like this: Why IS our reality TV so vulgar and boring? . Then there's the fact that she thinks she's like the biggest thing to come out of Hollywood ever. When she's really only remembered for being in Dynasty, which was just like Dallas, but shitter. As well as getting squashed by a truck in Star Trek. But I think what really cemented my opinion of her was when she said she was joining UKIP because Britain was being overrun by the E.U. Yes she was such a patriot, yet she had to live in St Tropez.
Collins latest masterpiece is a usual "ex luvvie gripes about how "hard" it is to be an actor, and how TV ain't what it once was. Just a mix of guns, swearing and sex. Though on her wikipedia page it says she is starring in a film called "Fetish" this year, so make what you will of that. She then waxes starry eyed lyrical about staying in posh hotels in Hollywood, whilst watching films and rubbing shoulders with Liberace (Liberace! This from a women who says modern actors are sex obsessed for Gods sake.) and his lovely false teeth (no really). Yeah it sounds a right fucking graft Joan. Sign me up! Then we hear the charming tale about how she fantasised about being Loretta Young when she was playing Alexis in Dynasty. I mainly fantasise about pills and whisky in my job Joan. Then there's the usual reality TV bashing these articles inevitably descend into.
I have three gripes about the article itself. Firstly Collins seems to think she's a really big star when she isn't. She was just someone in "If it's Tuesday. This Must be Belgium." "Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?" that Flintstones film and "Empire of the Ants." Severe chutzpah overload, but that's nothing new with actors. Secondly she -and this is a pet peeve here;- thinks acting is "hard work", a nurse wiping senile peoples bums is "hard work." or construction workers building stuff in all weathers is "tough graft". Being paid a zillion pounds to wear a silly wig and read a script, having loads of fans, and getting pissed at the Oscars isn't quite in the same league. Thirdly, she isn't really bothered about the "coarseness" of stuff like "Britains Got Talent". That would be to miss the point. She, like many actors of that generation, doesn't want the likes of us to get our boots into that most exclusive of clubs, fame. Yeah those kinds of shows are a bit tacky, and I have questions about how much of this kind of thing is just laughing at weirdos. But it's not surprising that lots of regular people want to be famous. Most jobs are rubbish. It's no fun working for a sexually frustrated middle manager called Barry, on the accounts department at Telford World of Polystyrene. It is, if you are getting paid to stay in nice hotels, and have people wanting your autograph. Joan Collins knows this, and she can bullshit her way around saying how hard it is the "fame game" when it isn't. Because in the end, she just wants her in and us lot out.
It's also kind of ironic that she says people seem to have no dignity on these shows in their quest to get famous. Some women got her tits out or something on BGT. But most of these actors will literally jump through hoops to get higher levels of fame. They can talk all the like about the "glamour" and "dignity" of showbiz. Most thesps would pull their trousers down and take up a squatting position in the big top of a packed out circus whilst a dozen dwarves dressed as clowns took it in turns to kick their bare arse cheeks for comedic effect, if they thought it would re-kindle their career. I am sure Joan Collins would dress up as a giant comedy parrot (with her making comedy squawks and "pieces of 8" noises to add to the illusion)to accompany the guy dressed up as a sailor in the admiral car insurance advert, if she thought she would hit the big time, she never actually really hit. That should give you a hint about how much of a "hard life" this acting business is.
Collins latest masterpiece is a usual "ex luvvie gripes about how "hard" it is to be an actor, and how TV ain't what it once was. Just a mix of guns, swearing and sex. Though on her wikipedia page it says she is starring in a film called "Fetish" this year, so make what you will of that. She then waxes starry eyed lyrical about staying in posh hotels in Hollywood, whilst watching films and rubbing shoulders with Liberace (Liberace! This from a women who says modern actors are sex obsessed for Gods sake.) and his lovely false teeth (no really). Yeah it sounds a right fucking graft Joan. Sign me up! Then we hear the charming tale about how she fantasised about being Loretta Young when she was playing Alexis in Dynasty. I mainly fantasise about pills and whisky in my job Joan. Then there's the usual reality TV bashing these articles inevitably descend into.
I have three gripes about the article itself. Firstly Collins seems to think she's a really big star when she isn't. She was just someone in "If it's Tuesday. This Must be Belgium." "Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?" that Flintstones film and "Empire of the Ants." Severe chutzpah overload, but that's nothing new with actors. Secondly she -and this is a pet peeve here;- thinks acting is "hard work", a nurse wiping senile peoples bums is "hard work." or construction workers building stuff in all weathers is "tough graft". Being paid a zillion pounds to wear a silly wig and read a script, having loads of fans, and getting pissed at the Oscars isn't quite in the same league. Thirdly, she isn't really bothered about the "coarseness" of stuff like "Britains Got Talent". That would be to miss the point. She, like many actors of that generation, doesn't want the likes of us to get our boots into that most exclusive of clubs, fame. Yeah those kinds of shows are a bit tacky, and I have questions about how much of this kind of thing is just laughing at weirdos. But it's not surprising that lots of regular people want to be famous. Most jobs are rubbish. It's no fun working for a sexually frustrated middle manager called Barry, on the accounts department at Telford World of Polystyrene. It is, if you are getting paid to stay in nice hotels, and have people wanting your autograph. Joan Collins knows this, and she can bullshit her way around saying how hard it is the "fame game" when it isn't. Because in the end, she just wants her in and us lot out.
It's also kind of ironic that she says people seem to have no dignity on these shows in their quest to get famous. Some women got her tits out or something on BGT. But most of these actors will literally jump through hoops to get higher levels of fame. They can talk all the like about the "glamour" and "dignity" of showbiz. Most thesps would pull their trousers down and take up a squatting position in the big top of a packed out circus whilst a dozen dwarves dressed as clowns took it in turns to kick their bare arse cheeks for comedic effect, if they thought it would re-kindle their career. I am sure Joan Collins would dress up as a giant comedy parrot (with her making comedy squawks and "pieces of 8" noises to add to the illusion)to accompany the guy dressed up as a sailor in the admiral car insurance advert, if she thought she would hit the big time, she never actually really hit. That should give you a hint about how much of a "hard life" this acting business is.
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