Liz Jones Shopping Bill

We've mentioned Liz Jones financial troubles before on here, and not content to give this dead horse one more flog of the whip; I learned that someone at the Guardian had ran a short, highlighting; from her previous chronicles on her mission to blow zillions on shite, why she may have landed herself in the position she is now. I won't link the article as it is worth listing them in the post itself. To paraphrase Richard Littlejohn, you really couldn't make this shit up.
So here we go. The Liz Jones guide to worshiping on the alter of overpriced, bullshit tat.

1.) BAT SANCTUARY. £26 000 (How?! Why?! What on? A fucking Batmobile, and camp rubber suit?)

2.) MARKS AND SPARKS ORGANIC PRAWNS FOR THE CATS. £400 PER MONTH.


3.) DRESS. £4000. (She figures she spends more on this type of crap than one of the members of Girls Aloud.)


4.) WHEELBARROW REPAIRS. £95 (Its a metal box with a wheel attached? FFS!)



5.) WATER BILL £270 per quarter. (At first not too eccentric. But not when she has a well, and doesn't drink tap water at all, but some bottled water with a stupid name.)


6.) SPECIAL STEEL FRIDGE. £3000 (It should be able to re-animate meat products back to life, and double up as a stasis device to sit out fall out in the event of a nuclear war for that cost)


7.) SHOES £450 (Nuff said.)


8.) SPECIAL TOOTHPASTE £8.95 (Special Toothpaste. Are you fucking kidding me?)


9.) HOLIDAY IN MOZAMBIQUE. £26,000 (Includes private jet and business class.)


10.) SHED PRESENT. £530 (A present for her god son. I'm not even going to figure that one.)



GRAND TOTAL OF.-



£60 753.95p



Now I hope that her less well off readers haven't been sending her money after her SOS column. They would be better off telling her to flog the three grand fridge for a start, to pay off her debts. But if these accounts are true, I think I can see that little issue of why she might be in the mess she is in. Ho hum...

Is This For Real?

I found this extraordinary article from Liz Jones yesterday, and I have to ask myself "is she for real", cause if she isn't she's apparently hoodwinked some free cash. Seems Liz has totally cleaned her self out of cash. The articles are full of hubristic self pitying, and an ability to pin the blame on everything but herself. If she is completely broke (and I have doubts she is, and that she even writes this stuff as "straight") it is the result of her ball breaking profligacy (she had a small animals psychic at one point, and a shower tray that was made out of some limestone that was quarried from one special place.). She also appears to have blown loads on bloody designer label bullshit, no sane person needs at all, and on the kind of ludicrously expensive, and pretentious self indulgencies, that crafty salesmen can push to pampered rich people in order to deflate bank balances. (the adjective spiritual will almost certainly be used in the sales pitch.)And her taking on some more injured animals (which is noble at first. But not if you can't afford to keep them.). Which she describes in these unintentionally funny lines, that just seem a bit too Marie Antionetteish to ring quite true.

"Michael needs an operation to remove a cyst on his eyelid. Grace Kelly needs to be spayed now that she is a year old and has had her first period. Dream is still on anti-cellulite medication, and needs a visit from a vet at least once a week, a visit from an equine podiatrist every two weeks. Jess needs her teeth cleaned: she has terrible breath, and could develop an infection if this is not sorted out as soon as she has lost a little more weight. Benji is due his inoculations. The chicken with the strange lump and feather loss has been diagnosed with cancer and requires home visits from Tara the small animal vet (the animals are small; Tara is normal-sized); I won’t take the chicken to the surgery because she becomes too stressed."

The articles are interspersed with the usual blame everyone but herself, and "oh did I tell you my ex was a bastard" stuff, as she bares her very soul for her readers. But what is disturbing is that some of her readers have donated money (one donated a scratch card. Hey it's the thought that counts.), and some of these readers don't seem to be well off. She lists some:

‘Liz, I have a two-bedroom flat in Kennington you’re welcome to share.’ The next read: ‘As we’re pensioners we’d be unable to solve your long-term problem but can send some money towards food and petrol. Patrick and Rita.’

‘I’ve sent £20. Please don’t return it – I wanted to show you not all people are greedy. I’d like you to enjoy a bottle of wine, and battle on! Ann.

‘I can let you have some money for food, and I do not want it back!!! I too have been without food, electric, hope! I’m a 63-year-old widow. I wish I could help more. Maria.’

And: ‘I’ve lost my company, my wife and my children. I get ten calls a day from debt collectors. In January I tried to take my own life. A.’

And: ‘I could do you a food parcel. It would be more Sainsbury’s than Harrods, but you could pick it up as you pass on the M4. David.’

I have £20 to last me until the 24th when I might or might not be paid but you’re welcome to £10. Caroline.’

On Monday, in among the bills, were dozens of letters, mostly addressed to ‘Liz Jones, somewhere on Exmoor’. I opened the first. A £10 note tumbled out. ‘You worry me!’ wrote Carole.

‘Tinned dog food is expensive. Gracie stress wees because she needs more of you! Don’t you dare buy Cava with this!’

There's a few things in there that make me think shes just made these "comments" up herself. I can't see someone sending her money cause she has none herself, not even for food and petrol (by the way how is she going to pick up the hamper on the M4? With no fuel.) and then tell her to buy some plonk. I also have a hard time believing Caroline would donate half a 20 pound allowance that's to last a fortnight - so blase. Tinned dog food is dirt cheap. The tinned dog food Liz buys would clean out an ASDA till person a years wages.

Gracie fucking stress wees!

Now if her money worries are true, that is of course traumatic for her, and if she is suicidal (as she claims) she should seek help (both financially and mentally.). But she only has herself to blame for getting into this mess. She must earn a 6 figure salary (unlike her "benefactors") and should want for little. It should be easy to live within your means. Unlike many in debt she has assets to flog to raise the money her creditors want. Ditch the car, the stupid shower and all the Gucci handbags and other tat, rather than some poor pensioners who may or may not exist.

It's hard to say whether the money problems and the donators are real. If Liz Jones wants to portray herself as a narcissistic knob for the benefit of her readers, that's her concern. I'd like to think that not even Mail on Sunday sub eds would allow Liz Jones to raise money under false pretence. But if I read half of what Nick Davies "Flat Earth News" exposes, you do think to yourself? Would they?

Stop the Traffic. Leave the kids behind! Liz Jones has got a new blog!

Ditzy former fashion editor Liz Jones has gone and set up a brand new blog . Liz is kind of the modern equivalent of what you would get if you stuck Marie Antoinette in front of a word processor and gave her a column in a popular Sunday newspaper. She'd not so much be a "Let them eat cake" sort of gal, but more a "Let them eat cake, preferably an ASDA smart price cake for 18p from the bargain basket, as I don't want to give the unwashed ideas. Oh and tell em to eat it down wind and 2 continents away from me, as they may spray crumbs on my carpet, and my spiritually cleansed cat, the smell poor fuckers." Reading some of her stuff, you begin to think no-one can possibly be that self absorbed and gormless for God sake! She has to be a piss take, a genius satirist deliberately planted into the fashion business, to expose from within;- the pointless and bitchy vacuousness and the one long and subtle, shared practical joke on all the rest of us that is the industry. What other explanation is there?

Or maybe she isn't and really is like that in real life?

Now from the "dispatches from the fashion front line" header, I may not be able to dig up as many gems as I might want, if all she talks about are stupid bits of overpriced shite draped on a girl who'd be advised not to walk across a cattle grid. I know nothing about fashion, and have no intention of taking the time to learn. I think we would all be better off wearing old sacking, and shoes made of straw. Fashion is rubbish, and a burks running race.

However, piss take or genuine. (I'm still a bit unconvinced we see the real Liz in some of her more "eccentric" articles.) If she stays true to form, we may get a few bits of comedy gold from the blog. I mean if we get stuff half as good as getting her letterbox shot at for saying her rural neighbours have bad teeth and smell of cow poo. Should she ditch her hens shrink (no really.) to save a few bob. How she was relieved her mum got Alzheimer's as she would not blurt out her age (not actually funny, you understand. But a WTF moment.), and the delights of hiring a pet psychic to contact her dead cat. ("Why are my horses always biting me?" Liz asks. "Cause they think you are a horse!" the psychic replies. Absolute genius!) As Richard Littlejohn says. You can't make it up!

David Cameron, Gordon Brown and That Interview

During the past few days in the news, there has been a number of commentaries on an interview on the ITV1 show Piers Morgans Life Stories (ITV 1 10:15pm 14/2/2010). The subject of the interview is none other than Gordon Brown. This interview is considered somewhat controversial as Morgan questions Brown about the death of his premature baby daughter, aged 11 days in 2002, and Brown understandably gets quite visibly upset talking about this. (though it would be an exaggeration to say that he breaks down and cries in the interview, as some have claimed.)








Now it appears that some have taken exception to him giving this interview as Brown has been reluctant to talk about his children in public. His son Fraser (who has cystic fibrosis) is never seen in photographs, as Brown wishes to protect him from the limelight. It has been argued that this line of questioning should not be directed at a prime minister during the run up to a general election, the main lines of argument being that it a) diverts from genuine political issues and b) is even an attempt to garner sympathy before polling day.



Now I personally don't think Brown should have NOT done this interview. Whether we like it our not we live in a more media orientated society, and sadly personality does influence voting more than it should. It is not too much of an exaggeration to say that some of Browns lack of success as a premier is down to his poor PR abilities, and his perception of being a dour, bad tempered loner. Modern politicians have to engage with their electorates on a more human level these days. Whether that gives us better politicians is unclear, but it is silly to think we don't have to do these things, because being "emotionally open" matters to people. It has also come to light that David Cameron has had an interview where he too has reacted; equally understandably, similarly when questioned about his own son, Ivans death last year.


Now let me make it clear, I have no objection to people debating where these kinds of topics in a politicians life have a place. I personally don't think either man did anything wrong at all. It is common knowledge what they have both sadly endured in their personal lives. I also can't get too worked up about public displays of emotion like what we see at Wootan Bassett, as some do. This is a more openly emotive nation (probably more in line with everywhere else to be honest) than in the past, and I don't see that changing any time soon. What I do object too however is some of the vindictiveness of the responses to these stories, and especially the stinks coming from that Pravda for Pricks the Daily Mail. (like that's nothing new.) Remember this is a response to a man describing how his 11 day old child died in his arms.

Here's odious gonk Richard Littlejohns take

I've often wondered why anyone bothers interviewing Gordon, since he refuses to
answer inconvenient or difficult questions, endlessly repeats the line he has
decided to take, and bulldozes on until they run out of time.


Which
makes the fact that he broke down and wept openly over the death of his baby
daughter Jennifer during the taping of an interview with TV's Piers Morgan all
the more despicable.

The heartless bastard, I mean crying over losing a child.

No one is underestimating or belittling the sincerity of his grief, but Gordon
has always been protective of his family's privacy and has consistently vowed
that he would not exploit his children for political gain

He's hardly violating his kids privacy, when it is common knowledge what happened to Jennifer. What is he implying?

But he must have known it was coming. It appears to have been stage-managed,
right down to a tearful Sarah Brown sitting in the audience.
And it smacks
of a cynical attempt to play the victim card, exploiting his family tragedy to
win votes.
The fact that he is now parading his grief on a chat show, in an
attempt to convince the electorate that he is human after all, is a measure of
his desperation and a graphic illustration of his complete absence of principle.

My god he thinks a women crying over her husband recalling the death of their baby is a plot to win votes. God Littlejohn is a prick. As for winning sympathy votes, it doesn't seem to be working, with comments like this.

I'm sorry. I care as much for these morons and their problems as they care
about mine. Zero. Human compassion knows limits and publicly emoting to show
what a nice person you are undoubtedly means the opposite. I only wish I had
taken my chance to emigrate 23 years ago. This country is stuffed and deserves
to be if we elect the sort of offensive parasites we have in recent years.
-
William Orr, Yorkshire,

Fuck off then William, you wanker. The country is better off without the likes of you.

Who cares? Please just get on a run the Country, we are all sinking in debt
and greed from the MP's.
- toto kubwa, Cyprus

Pass the sick bucket.
- Steven Farrow, Kings lynn Nofolk, 14/2/2010 7:44Read more:

Written by tossers for tossers.

Littlejohn's article is nasty, I mean what's new with that? But I think nothing surpasses this disgusting article by Liz Jones.

I want a leader who hurls things at his staff, not a blubbing 'poor
me'

This evening, you'll be able to watch
Gordon Brown squeezing 'poor me-dom' out of every oleaginous pore.
Of the
baby he lost aged only 11 days, he tells Piers Morgan: 'She was baptised and we
were with her and I held her as she... as she died.'
He talks of his son
Fraser, who has cystic fibrosis. 'We sometimes say, "Why, why, why us?"' His
eyes well up during the interview, and he denies accusations in a new biography
that he is a bad-tempered bully.

Now I'm sure being married toNirpal Dhaliwal would screw anyones head. But there is no excuse for an article like this. He's/They are not just blubbing poor me. They lost a child FOR FUCKS SAKE!! I mean you may not like them, or their policies, but my god this is something else entirely. You have to be a major league dick to be so full of hate to a politician, that you don't even feel for them suffering the worst fate imaginable for a parent. Which incidentally is the worst kind of personality based politics you can indulged, which contradicts the bloody thing they are supposed to be condemning! Well what did we expect? Consistency in the Mail?

I don't think there is really more I can add to this. The articles/comments speak for themselves. But I'd like to quote a "Malcolm Armsteen" a commentator from Mailwatch,sums up this kind of journalism very nicely.

This is a new low. This could be titled 'Man Cries at Death of Daughter -
Unusual? - you choose'.The article should never have been written, it is
intrusive, callous and cynical. The comments show that at least some members of
our society - who would no doubt congratulate themselves as being 'Decent
English' - in fact are heartless, cynical and prepared to be vicious in their
senseless tribalism.This is the sort of 'work' that is destroying our society,
not 'feral yoof', immigration or 'socialism'.Malcolm Armsteen, Bolton

I second that.